


Set Aside A Devil For Me

by havisham



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Backstory, Inheritance, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Porn, Victorian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 18:43:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20013052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: Aziraphale has to take to care of an unwanted inheritance. Crowley does not help, at all.





	Set Aside A Devil For Me

In fact, Aziraphale had, at one time, an extensive collection of pornography, which he had inherited from the gentleman who had helped him master the gavotte. The pornography, focused almost exclusively on Victorian domestic affairs, featuring incest and filled with colorful euphemisms for breasts and vulvas and as such, were not at all to Aziraphale’s taste, a fact which he suspected his benefactor was perfectly aware. 

His benefactor, whose public reputation depended very much on sugary sweet stories of brave widows and fragile orphans, had been, overall, destined more for Crowley’s side than otherwise. Nonetheless, he had been rather fun. Aziraphale would miss his dancing, if not his horrendous taste in erotica. 

That was the true drawback of befriending human beings -- they all had a distressing tendency to die. And while -- sometimes -- death meant Aziraphale had access to libraries and other materials he’d otherwise never be able to get his hands on -- other than simply miracling himself inside, which, well, Heaven looked down on that casual sort of … crime. 

But in this case, death meant he had crates of very uninspiring erotica. He had been trying to sell the damned things off ever since he had come into his inheritance, without attracting notice from the people upstairs. It was a very trying problem. What if Sandalphon noticed? While most of Heaven was occupied with thwarting the wiles of Hell, Sandalphon often seemed to take greater pleasure in frustrating Aziraphale -- as if he was one of Lucifer’s emissaries! 

Imagine! If you could! 

In the end, as soon as Aziraphale let go of the notion of turning much of a profit, he was able to let go of his burden. A private notice was posted at his club, for interested parties, and by the end of the week, all of his pornography was gone. And when Crowley presented himself for their usual meeting at St. James Park after an absence of many months, Aziraphale had much to tell him. 

He knew, of course, why Crowley had been gone -- the work of the Empire was slow but sure, but even so he was able to dredge up some sympathy about -- “What was it this time, Crowley? A tiger bite?”

Crowley looked at him with dislike. “It’s like you weren’t even listening. The damned fools were pig-sticking in the rain and in the drunkest one ended up sticking _me_.” 

“Humans, you know,” Aziraphale said, his mouth twitching. “They would find humor in that. Not angels nor demons though. Not our sort of thing at all.” 

“Not at all,” Crowley agreed. It was clear that the incident still bothered him. He switched subjects to more domestic matters. “I’ve heard you’ve become a smut-peddler. Is that true?” 

“Oh!” Aziraphale said, dismayed. “Not in the least. You should know better than to believe rumors, Crowley.” 

“Well, I know that your tastes differ than your inheritance.” 

They shared a private smile between themselves and themselves alone, and afterwards, it was like nothing at all had happened. And truly, nothing had. 

**Author's Note:**

> Not to kinkshame, but Victorian porn is just not Aziraphale's bag at all, is it? 
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Sath!!


End file.
